To be or not to be friends (and to what extent), with ex-partners has always been a delicate topic for most people.

Vanita Mishra (26), a HR manager, was forced into an arranged marriage by her parents while she was still having an affair with another man. After two years of her marriage she says she has no qualms about sharing physical intimacy with her exboyfriend.

“I always enjoy sleeping with my exboyfriend whenever my husband is away”, she says.

Psychologist, Deepti Makhija says, “It’s a healthy thing to keep a platonic relationship with your ex-partners. But people who get physical with them while being in another relationship are just lying to their own self.”

Clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, Seema Hingorrany, says, “It requires a lot of patience and effort to forget the past love and move on in life. If people want to be friends with their exes, they should make sure that they are not emotionally, financially or physically dependent on their partners.”

Sandhya Pandit (24), marketing executive, feels if you really have been in love with somebody, you can never become good friends after the break-up, especially if you parted on a bad note. She says “All the negativity comes back in that one moment when you are confronted with your ex. You know each other’s vulnerabilities and it just leads to complications.”

Many people get emotionally carried away and try to maintain touch by calling their past partners even after they have been given the ‘no signal’. When their calls are not answered they end up getting depressed. They try visiting common meeting places with common friends hoping to see their ex again.

Such people become an object of pity and lose self respect. It’s very important for them to realise that the relationship is over and they need to move on. Hingorrany says, “These instances happen because of insecurity and fear of rejection. People don’t realise that they are capable of finding love again if they let go of the past. Change is crucial but not the end of the world.”

Because of peer pressures people also become desperate to find a boyfriend or a girlfriend. They do not understand that it’s all right to be single for some time. It gives time to grow emotionally and know oneself better.

Fathima Ali (32), journalist, thinks that if you have thrown something away you would not want it back in your life. But if you have lost something you may want to go back again. She is still very good friends with her exboyfriend from college times. They share a platonic relationship and have learnt to respect each other’s boundaries.

Clinging on to past love is a matter of choice but if it’s leading to complications in present times then one should do something about it. Taking time apart from each other is usually the best way to let all the left-over emotions subside.