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Single mums’ bitter sweet symphony Pravar Peri
Families are gearing up to give their mums a treat. But for some, it’s without the presence of their dads. And Mother’s Day, while still special, also emphasises the loss of a loved one... The dinner table is laid for four; mum and dad talk about their day; the kids chip with anecdotes about their day at school; wholesome food — it’s a normal day in the life of an average city family. But what happens when the picture-perfect postcard gets distorted into one where the father’s absent? “Naturally it’s very hard,” says Sumitra Maurya, mother of three, whose husband passed away a few years ago. Her view is echoed by Maria Fernando, who says, “When you lose a loved one, it’s like losing a part of your body. But you have to be bold enough to go on. I have a son, and I have to cater to his needs. I have to have a positive outlook on life.” On the eve of Mother’s Day, families all over the city are gearing up to give their mums a treat. But for some families like the Mauryas and the Fernandos, it’s without the presence of their dads. And Mother’s Day, while still special, also emphasises the loss of a loved one. Apart from dealing with the loss, there are bills to be paid, expenses to be covered, school fees to be paid, and so on. “When my husband died, my son was two and-half years old, and we were living in Baroda. I had just got a job offer in Mumbai. My parents said they’d take care of my son, and encouraged me to go and work, but after a year I decided that no matter how hard it got, I would live with my son,” recalls Harsha Panchal. The key for these mums is to somehow manage the day-to-day issues of life, while being there for their children. Also, there is the question of remarriage. Says Harsha, “My parents told me to go ahead and remarry, and leave my son with them. But I thought to myself: ‘He’s already lost a father, he can’t lose a mother as well.’ So I decided to stay single.” Most single mothers, who have been recently widowed, concur with her attitude. But it’s their relationship with their children, they say, that changed — for the better. With responsibility and shared grief, most of the single mums treat their children as mature adults, someone they can count on when the going gets tough. “I tell my son: ‘You know what’s right and wrong for you, and you can take care of yourself ’,” says Maria. Similar views are held by Sumitra Maurya: “I’ve always treated my kids as friends…I still play with them. We have fewer restrictions, and we never hide anything from each other,” she says. It’s not an easy journey. “I sometimes think that if my husband was still alive, we might have been happier. I’d advise young widows to remarry, but only if the other person can love your kids,” says Sumitra. For special Mother's Day messages, sms MAA to 54567.
Source : DNA
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