Experts give thumbs down to speed dating
While many still vote for arranged marriages, the junk-food brigade these days are opening up to the concept of online and speed-dating. With matrimonial services developing into an organised business, young couples are seen to be more upfront about relationships these days and do not mind checking how they would fare on the compatibility scale. Sanhita Nag talks to experts to find out if it is actually possible to evaluate a person on the basis of a few meetings and how safe concepts like speed dating are.
"Our communication is 10 per cent verbal and 90 per cent body language," says Dr Rajan Bhosle, a professor of sexual medicines. "Body language plays a very important role in dating. Fluttering of eyes, hesitation, mumbling, brashness and coyness, if interpreted well, can reveal a great deal about a person," he says.
"An eye contact, blushing, a smile... can throw up hints about the personality of your date", adds clinical psychologist Satarupa Anderson. For instance, maintaining good eye contact with people, especially those you have just met, is reflective of the respect and interest you have for what the other person may be saying or doing.
Experts also emphasise on the importance of dressing well and advise young people to dress up comfortably, avoid skimpy and body-hugging type of clothing on their first date. "Dressing pleasantly helps to ward off any evil advances. When you are meeting someone for the first time and are unsure of the taste of your potential partner, dressing modestly helps," notes Anderson. She, however, adds that if you have known the person for a while and your relationship has entered into a confort zone, you could perhaps get a little adventurous with your dressing sometimes. Other things experts want young people to remember are:
Avoid getting too personal on your first date, do not blame a woman for coming late. Be a good listener when you start your conversation with her.
Choose the right outfit. Wearing provocative clothing may give the wrong impression. A revealing dress could mean that you are trying too hard to impress.
Keep the first date brief. Do not leave the other person wondering how to escape. Stay away from one who only talks about money. It is a sign of insecurity.
When meeting people, it is best to look straight at them, focusing on the eyes and face. This does not mean that you are supposed to stare at their eyes...
So, how safe are concepts like speed dating? "My personal opinion is concepts like speed dating are abused in India and, on most occasions, prostitution deals flourish under the guise of dating," says Dr Bhosle. He, however, also admits that there are some genuine speed dating agencies as well but identifying them can be formidable task. Meanwhile, Anderson feels that loners might get the benefit from genuine dating agencies who organise fast dating. "Some people do not have time to socialise. For them, such concepts can help to distress and relax. But the maximum possibilty is that such dates do not click."
Any word of caution? "If possible, take another couple along with you on your the first date. To be on the safer side, keep a note at home at least saying where you are off to," Anderson advises.
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